What I do when I failed myself?

What I do when I failed myself? 

First, I will start sulking for a day or two. And will not talk to anyone but God, my best friend, while rolling on my bed. Then sleep. 

Second, I will write to find comfort. Exactly what I’m doing write now.

Third, I would think of my goals. I usually had three, so if one fails, there will be number 2, then number 3. In this case, two gone to waste, except to the one that seems impossible but can be still possible with the support of the people who care for me, the people who always got my back. 

Next, I will feel desperate and do nothing but think. And because of that I will feel depressed. Then sleep again. 

Next, I’ll pray any time of the day. When I’m eating, when I’m taking a bath, peeing or even when pooping. I’ll talk to Him and convince him to help me until I find way, and ready to start.

Finally, I would rise up, tall and proud, because I know I got His support. How do I know? He would give me another goal and ways to do it. 

———

Oh yeah right now, I’m still in between one and two. So don’t talk to me until tomorrow, I’m still sulking. 

It’s so hard when your giving yourself hope to be somebody in this place, when everybody making you feel your nobody. But that’s me, I always have goals, and I would never stop until I achieve at least one of it. 

I would still say, “It’s ok taking the risk. Loosing opportunities is part of the process. It will make me strong, or  even stronger!”

Laban pa, Gladys May! 

Oh Canada 🍁

Oh Canada

The land of hopes and dreams 

You naturally cares for us who dreams 

Your land and people are so welcoming 

Oh Canada

On our first year, you showered us blessings

The acceptance and opportunity you shared 

Makes us live our dreams

Oh Canada

In times of chaos and pandemic 

You blanket us with your caring hands

That washes away our fears 

Oh Canada 

We will always be grateful

For all the dreams that we chase

That become real 

Oh Canada

Oh Canada 

We thank you so much

We thank you for everything that we had 

Oh Canada, Mabuhay ka! 

Note: I wrote this poem as an entry for Creative Writing challenge of Town of Pictou for Canada Day 2020. 

Surviving the economic effect of COVID-19 pandemic

We never think about it until it came. 

It was March 17, 2020, Tuesday, when COVID pandemic news shocked  the daycare center I am working with. The government of Canada, decided to close all the schools, and that includes us. 

I have no idea that day that news regarding coronavirus was circulating. It was because we just moved-in in our new place and we still don’t have internet connection at home. No clue about happening, I went to the Center to do the usual activity for that day. But the moment I step in, I felt something was off. In the mid of my shift, our director announced, “we are closing until further notice.” 

I am shocked and worried. We just moved-in, and our saving was running low. 

I went home sad thinking about what will happen to us. We just used our savings to buy stuffs we need in our new place. Our rent increased, with additional pay for utilities. We just got a new car, and car insurance. I am doomed. My mind went blurry during that moment. 

My husband went home with the same news. Although, their store didn’t closed, his hours decreased by half, so his pay. 

During that time I am still not sure if I will get pay from our Center, so I asked my boss if I have to apply for Employment Insurance (EI), she said we don’t need to. Yes, with the help of the government, our boss was able to give our regular pay during the pandemic.

Doing nothing for weeks after that closing, I am glued at Nova Scotia Works to look for possible employment. I did find one. I applied at High Crest for a part time position and was given a chance to work 20 hours bi-weekly. That was a blessing. I earned 16/hr on top of my regular pay in daycare. That was able to cover for the lost on my husband salary. 

And as days past, I still glued myself looking for possible job. For me, it was not time to fear the virus, but it’s time to look for new opportunity. Again, through Nova Scotia Works Facebook account, I saw that Nova Scotia Health Authority was hiring. I applied my husband not him knowing. 

All of his family was against it. That was understandable because of the virus. But I saw that as a good opportunity for him to work in the agency owned by the government. I pushed him, while praying that he don’t get exposed with the virus.

I’m playing tough, but really little worried inside. We are both exposing ourselves in possibilities of getting that virus. I am confident that I have good immune system, but I am worried to bring home that virus, risking our kids. 

But yes, my husband agreed and was turned out excited to his new found job. That was a good opportunity because as everyone I met said, “it was so hard to be part of that organization.” He is now happy working as “Way Finder” in one of the laboratory run by NSHA. He is on second week at work as of writing. 

On top of all those new opportunities mentioned above, we also received the Canada Child Benefit during the pandemic and it was a big help. I applied it February, and was approved April. God really know a good timing because we been waiting for it, and it came during the time that we really needed it. 

We survived and that was because of faith. We made it because of God. He give strength when we are weak. 

And on Monday, June 15, after three months, our Center will be back in business. My husband is still working on his new and old jobs. And our kids will continue receiving their CCB. 

How great is our Lord? He is greater and powerful than the pandemic that stops the world. 

Daycare to Homecare Thoughts

 

From Baba Black Sheep to listen to the music real quick. 

From daycare to home care.

From babies to grannies. 

From early childhood educator to resident support worker. Two jobs, that both give new meaning to my life. 

Babies/kids makes me feel young. We play whole day. We run, we dance, we sing. We do messy arts, that’s part of fun.

Grannies gives me wisdom. I love talking with them. They always have something to say...words that will make you think about life. Their wisdoms are gold. 

Our babies in daycare go home. They are not alone. They have family. They are love. They have bright future. I am happy to see them grow old. Discover things. Learn. 

Our grannies...they are alone in their room. They don’t go home anymore. They stay there, cared by people who become their family (that’s us)...because their own kin live far from them. They rise in the morning to wait for sunset again. I am sad seeing them alone, laying on their bed, looking at their family pictures displayed on their room. Thinking of memories...but I’m happy whenever I saw them talking to the friends, their co-residence, their room neighbour, or to us. But you see, only few of them do that. Most of them are alone in their room, lying on their bed while listening to radio or tv or just sitting on their chair, looking outside. Who knows what they thinking? Who knows what they feel? 

I am sad seeing them alone. It makes me think of myself. I don’t wanna grow old like that. I want to be with my children, with my grandchildren, with my husband, with my siblings. I wanna grow old and die with my family near me. 

Short Note: I wrote this blog on my first week at work at retirement home during COVID-19 pandemic. I did part time job in Home Crest Place at New Glasgow while the daycare Center I am working with was closed due to the pandemic to earn extra money on top of my regular pay from daycare. 

I want to be more: A dream of every Filipino Abroad

"I want more, I want to be more."

This is the line that I will never forget from the KatDen movie, Hello, Love, Goodbye by Cathy Molina simply because it is so real for an Overseas Filipino Worker like me. 

Yes, I am one of the millions of young professionals who choose to leave the Philippines in the hope of a better life abroad. I am a permanent public school teacher before I went here in Canada. 

Wanting more would always be a part of me as a foreign worker in this land. When we landed here, I started to feel a "downgrade" in my professional life. It seems that applying for a job would be very hard even if you have good credentials written in your resume. My diploma, my experiences, seems nothing here. Wala lang, walang silbi. Starting a life here abroad was very hard. You will never know if you can ever regain the "self-confidence" that you have before. 

Lucky I am, after applying in all kind of jobs (cashier, housekeeper, gen.worker, etc.) I landed on a job related to teaching. Yes, by title, I am an Early Childhood Educator in a daycare, "teacher" as my students call me. But in reality, only 20% of the job is teaching, and 80% is merely taking good care of the kids while their parents are working (tagabantay ng bata, taga-alaga) whatever you want to call it. I  am already working 2 weeks in my job when I realized that I was not in school but in a childcare facility. It's a decent job, yes, I am earning more than I can earn as a teacher in the Philippines but I WANT MORE! 

Pride. No. I learned to forget my pride as I started my life here. It is more about my "DREAM" like what Joy let me see in the movie. We always have this dream that pushing us to want more. 

I want more, I want to be more. I know every immigrant and OFW wanted that. But how? As early as now (as of writing, I am here in Canada for only four months) I learned that I can be "more" in this land if I will study (again!). That is the only way that I can be more. But again how? Cost of leaving here is so high and I can't afford to lose my job. So, paano pa ako mag-aaral? How can I be more now? That is the sad reality that we (OFW) are facing. We can be more if we go to schooling but we can't afford to lose our job to support ourselves here and our family in the Philippines. Paano na ang mga "Joy" sa bawat isa sa amin.

I want to be more is chasing a dream while you losing hope as you already ate your pride in the process. 

I am hoping that my life here would end like a movie, happy ending. 

"I want more, I want to be more" is the line that every person living on a foreign land can relate with. 

Lucky I am, I know God, and I know that He will help me to have "more" in this life. 

Mt. Fato x Mt.Kupapey: My first Twin Hike

Dubbed as "Stronger at 30", my first twin hike took place in Mt. Fato and Mt.Kupapey at Bondoc, Mountain Province. The hike was to celebrate my 30 years of existence.

I am working as Senior High Teacher at that time in the Department of Education. Consumed with teaching and non-teaching task, I dream of having an adventure on my 30th birthday. But during this time, I am financially challenged so I opted to look for a very affordable adventure. At first, I am thinking of traveling to the Dingalan so I texted one of the numbers posted in one of the traveler's blog to asked for details (but actually to calculate the expenses, budgetarian traveler could relate.)Out of despair, I posted my move on my Facebook account, and one of my High School friend who happens to be the owner of "Yes to Adventure" who coordinate climb year round saw my post and invited me to join their "Mt.Fato and Mt.Kupapey twin hike" luckily scheduled on my birthday, February 16-17, 2018. 

Telling her what I am into at that moment, Mercy offered me to come in their group just paying the downpayment to reserve seat (another half can be paid anytime according to her, lucky I am.) 

It's not every day I am turning 30, so I grabbed it. 

Together with my husband, we joined the team headed by our coordinators Brix and Ronmer. The team originally met up in Manila, but since we live in Zaragoza, Nueva Ecija they picked us at the bus stop of Victory Liner in Lapaz, Tarlac. 

Long travel begins at 12 midnight on February 16.

First Stop

Banaue Rice Terraces at Ifugao, Mountain Province. 

I and my husband. Photo off with the native of Ifugao. 

As we enjoy the scenery at the viewpoint of Banaue Rice Terraces
we took lots of pictures so we can look back in that day when we grow old. 

The birthday girl. 

My supportive husband Nuel, my forever travel buddy. 

We had our first meal in Ifugao that day. The group ate brown rice and simple viand like tortang talong in the canteen near the tourism office of Banaue, Ifugao. 

After enjoying our meal we stopped on the view deck of Banaue Rice Terraces. Banaue rice terraces is a system of irrigated terraces in the mountains, created 2000 years ago by the Ifugao people. It is one of the UNESCO World Heritage sites since it is one of the living cultural landscape of unparalleled beauty.  

Second stop

After Banaue Rice Terraces, we continued our adventure until we reached Bontoc, Mountain Province. We stayed at one of the homestay in Maigcong, overlooking the magnificence Maligcong's rice terraces. We had time to rest from a long ride and wait for 3:00pm for Mt.Fato Hike. 

The view outside the balcony of our homestay.

Husband's photo off in the chimney of the homestay. 

We had time resting from the long travel and at 3:00pm the group went out of the comfort of our room to conquer Mt.Fato. 

Mt.Fato has an estimated 1438 MASL with a trail class of 1-2 and difficulty of 3/9 (source:pinoymountaineer.com) It features rock formations at the summit. On our climb, our goal was to reach the summit before the sunset. 

Fellow mountaineering enthusiast, please don't underestimate the 3/9 difficulty of Mt.Fato because its trail makes me feel dizzy or maybe it was just me since I am not that active before I did the hike. Even if it was just a minor climb, take note of this "be prepared." Never ever underestimate any mountain, a climb will always give a hard time before you can witness a beautiful view at the summit. 

On the trail, I had to sit at the moment to catch my breath
while my husband was enjoying capturing sceneries of the mountain. 

The scent of the pine trees along the trail helped me to regain energy. 

Us, enjoying the rock formations at the summit. 

Sunset at Mt.Fato. If you are looking for the "golden hour"
like that of the sunset at the beach, nahhhhh,
we had a different sunset experience here at the top of the mountain. 

We ended our first day with the beautiful sunset of Mt.Fato. Descend off the mountain before the lights run outs. 

Next stop

On our second day at 3:00 in the morning, we braved the cold atmosphere of Bontoc to chase sunrise at Mt.Kupapey. Chasing sunrise on the day of my birthday was very memorable, it was like telling myself that the on my 30s, there will be new hopes. 

Mt.Kupapey has estimated 1647 MASL, it offers sunrise viewing and aerial view of Maligcong Rice Terraces. 

With renewed energy, we climb Mt.Kupapey after finishing our fresh brewed dark coffee of Bontoc. It was overwhelming to see other groups of climbers walking with their flashlight before the sun came out. The trail looks so goods. It seems the lights were walking and following our footsteps. Although I was not able to take photos on the trail that morning because I only have my phone camera with me, the scene was very clear on my memory. Walking lights on the trail and chatterings of freshly wake climbers all excited for the sunrise. We all walked on that dark trail, braving the cold, hoping that sunrise will meet us at the summit. 

When we reached the summit, there were already groups of climbers sitting on waiting for the sunrise. We look for space and sat on our own and joined them waiting. Haze during that time were covering the view of Maligcong Rice Terraces. 

The haze hiding the beauty of Maligcong Rice Terraces. 

Us patiently waiting for the sunrise. 

No one actually loses hope that the sun will rise that morning. Holla, after waiting for almost an hour, the sun rises and everyone was amazed by its beauty. At that moment, I realized how lucky I am to witness such an amazing view of my 30th birthday. With that experience, I believed that my journey on my 30s will be the best of my life.  

The sunrise of Mt.Kupapey and the Maligcong Rice Terraces. 

After the sunrise, we took the chance to explore the summit of Mt.Kupapey. 

Exploring the summit after finding new hope.

After exploring and enjoying the view, our group went down of the mountain feeling so close to each other. Joiners can relate to that. 

Our group as we descend, going back at the homestay.

At the Maligcong Rice Terraces, no rice paddy at the moment.
 Planting season is on May and its full bloom is on June. 

We went down to rest, to have our breakfast and to get ready for the last part of our trip...our side trip in Sagada. 

But before the side trip let me tell you the insight that I learned from our coordinator who is a seasoned mountaineer, as he said,"We have our own summit, so don't be afraid to give up on trail if your body is already telling you to do so." On my own understanding, he was telling us that time, that in life we have our own summit. Maybe in reaching our dreams, our goals, and there is a certain point in our life that we will reach our own and it is not necessary for us to compare "our summit" to the "summit" of other people that we will meet on trail (life). 

Side trip 

My birthday adventure ended in Sagada. It was my 3rd time to visit the place and first time for my husband. Our side trip was a quick visit to Sagada, Mountain Province where we visited the St. Joseph Church, Lake Danum, and Hanging Coffins. 

Now, why did I dubbed my birthday adventure as "Stronger at 30," it was because on the weakest point of my life I felt so strong emotionally to face life challenges and physically to do the twin hike. 

I will be forever thankful to the people behind my story. 'till my next climb! 

P.S

For hassle-free adventure, look for Mercy Caba of Yes to Adventure. 

God’s plan is better than mine

(c) from the web

“God’s plan for us is always greater and beautiful than ours.”

I just proved this quotation today, a day before my last day in the permanent post that I dream of for eight years. Yes, you read it right. I am leaving the post I planned to have in the entire years of my professional life. Let me tell you the story of my struggles…

I started my professional race two weeks after I graduated Bachelor of Arts in Development Communication at Central Luzon State University (CLSU). It was April 2009 when a hopeful “probinsyana” went in Makati with her friends to look for a job. I can recall how sad I am when all of my friends successfully had their first job while I took the road back to our province with a very low self-confidence. I can still hear the words of my very disappointed mother when I reached home.

I don’t know how long I stayed at my bed losing hope to find a job. Then one day I saw myself in Cabanatuan City applying in all establishments with the sign “hiring!” Until a BPO Company rang my phone for an interview, the interviewer bought me in La Fortuna College (the owner the BPO also owned the college.) Luckily they hired me, but not as BPO Agent but as secretary of the Vice President of the college. I stayed there for three months and then left for Philippine Center for Postharvest Development and Mechanization (PHilMech).

The happiest days of my professional career happen in PHilMech. I was able to visit different places as contracted Technical Writer for their projects. I always quote that place as “home-like workplace.” But even I was happy at most of my stay in PHilMech, I still dream of a permanent position that the agency can’t provide. They do not have a permanent post to offer for their hundred contracted staffs, and that includes me. Because of that, I started my plan to have a permanent post in the government.

In 2014, I enrolled Certificate of Teaching in CLSU-Open University. I studied online while working at PHilMech. And when I reached the time that I need to have my practice teaching, I filed a resignation in PHilMech and took a big step to finish my second course. After finishing my two months of practice teaching, I again applied in PHilMech and stayed there while having my review in Carl Balita Review Center for my Licensure Examination. I worked during weekdays and had my weekend for a review so I can surely pass the board exam for teachers. I never rested for my dream permanent post.

While waiting for a chance in Department of Education, I enrolled Master of Arts in English major in Applied Linguistics in Nueva Ecija University of Science and Technology (NEUST), I studied on Saturdays and work at PHilMech in weekdays.

Everything was part of my plan to get my way in the Department of Education. The road I took was never easy. I was a mother-student-worker at that time. You can ever consider me “single mom” then because my husband was in Taiwan, working.

Praying for my dream “permanent post” I told God, “Let me pass the board, let me be a teacher so that I can guide my future students on the right path.” Yes, my advocacy as a teacher was never to be the most intelligent and outstanding teacher, my goal is to be God’s servant so that I can tell my students who are in their middle adolescent to never commit premarital affairs or never become aggressive in love.

June 2017, finally, after battling in “ranking procedures” of DepEd, I was hired as Teacher II for Senior High School Department of Carmen National High School.

God gave me my dream post! He was not able to say “NO” with my deal. I am very happy. After eight years, I had the most stable job in our country; I become a public school teacher.

My plan works and I am the happiest.

Fulfilling my deal with God, I created a slogan for my students, and it says, “Minutes of Ecstasy, Forever in Hell.” This is to remind them that there are things that will make them feel happy for a short period of time but may lead to something bad that may ruin their future.

The catch: God’s plan.

I took a very difficult road to have my dream permanent post just to drop it for a much better plan that God created for my me ( for my whole family.)

I am leaving my post for a greener pasture in Canada. My husband successfully became a provincial nominee of Nova Scotia in Canada and I became his dependent together with our kids. And last September (2018) we received our working visa that pushes me to resign on my post. And yes tomorrow, November 23, 2018, I will drop my entire plan to let God move for my future. Believe me; His plan is better than us.

Everyone is asking me why I am leaving my dream post, here is my answer. I am choosing God’s plan for me and my family because His plan is better than mine.

And yes, I am choosing a complete family for my children knowing that I can always find a new “stable” job somewhere.

As God said in Proverbs 19:21, "You can make many plans, but the Lord's purpose (for you) will prevail." 

My God gave me an assurance that He has a better plan for me. This is Ma’am Gladys May Zamora-Carganilla, Teacher II, signing-off.